my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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