yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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