I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
