i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
