I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
