May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
