I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
