Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize