that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were trust falling into bushes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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