I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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