she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
