Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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