I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
