she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
