but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
