His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
