it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
