We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
