I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
