Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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