one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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