But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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