Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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