I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
