i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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