she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
