I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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