Do vagina's smell?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
