Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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