I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
