they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
