My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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