she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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