Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
