I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
