forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
