i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
