After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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