I wish my penis had an off switch
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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