Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
