dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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