then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
In America we eat man semen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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