i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
