That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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