i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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