thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
