You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
