I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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