I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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