i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize