are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
