Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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