Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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