remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My dick has a subreddit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize