my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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