Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize