so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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