I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
