My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
