Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
