We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
