I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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