Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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