i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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