i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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