the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
